Initiation

I sat on the rocks between the incoming tide, the gentle rain mingling with my tears, freely releasing the waters of my emotions. I still have a letter, unposted that I wrote as a child to the Rosicrucians, wanting to join. It remained unsent because it had to go overseas and I could hardly ask my parents; "Uhm, I want to join the Rosicrucians." "The what?" At a young age I felt the need to go for initiation. Into what I wasn't sure but I had a vague feeling of some or other " Mystery School." In my searches I eventually found that in today's world, life is the mystery school. Initiation presents itself to us during stages of our life. Most of the time we are unaware of this, however when you look back on your life you will clearly see the opportunities. Time and again in our lives we are given the opportunity to face our shadow side, that which lies hidden inside ourselves. We afraid of our shadow side for we believe that within the darkness lies a hidden monster. I had a dream in which I was facing a mirror. I was afraid to look and turned my head away. An invisible hand took hold of my head forcing me to turn and look into the mirror… In dealing with our shadow side it is particularly difficult for us to see things objectively. One Native American tale says our personal manual is written on our foreheads. Of course we can't see it, but others can. That is how it is how it is with our shadow side. "This is the concept of the 'shadow', which playa such a vital role in analytical psychology. Dr. Jung has pointed out that the shadow cast by the conscious mind of the individual contains the hidden, repressed and unfavourable (or nefarious) aspects of the personality. But this darkness is not just the simple converse of the conscious ego. Just as the ego contains unfavourable and destructive attitudes, so the shadow has good qualities - normal instincts and creative impulses. Ego and shadow, indeed, although separate, are inextricably linked together in much the same way that thought and feeling are related to each other." Man and his Symbols - Carl G. Jung In dealing with nightmares traditional wisdom urges us to be unafraid, face the monster threatening us. Not only that, but to boldly ask it for a gift. Within the shadow of ourselves there is also hidden the treasure of the freed self. When I look at initiation ceremonies, I see it as the initiate entering the shadow of themselves from which, if successful, they will return with the integrated self. The dragon tamed as an ally in your quest of life. According to myth, and the way most initiations are still practised today, the initiate has to die to the old way of life before entering the new. This was often done as a symbolic burial of the initiate, old clothes being burnt a new name given etc. The symbol of the Gateway, a threshold to a new way of life, a new paradigm of life illustrates this transitional phase beautifully. "Visualise yourself standing before a gateway on a hilltop. Your entire life lies out behind you and below. Before you step through, pause and review the past: the learning and the joys, the victories and the sorrow - everything it took to bring you here. Observe it all, bless it all, and release it all. For in letting go of the past you reclaim your power." Ralph Blum Initiation is a process of letting go of the past to reclaim yourself. In the ancient whispers of myth there are tales of those who like Orpheus had to enter the shadow land to reclaim "a lost love" or like Psyche given impossible tasks to perform before she could be re-united with her lost Eros. Thus they would enter the shadow side of themselves in order to live again in wholeness through the process of individuation. To reclaim our power, our whole self, we need to face our shadow side and release our emotional bagage. Then we can walk freely unfettered by the past and direct our own destiny. Fully conscious of the Laws of Life. "She who would gain the price of a newer birth, must seek it in these lands where death hold sway" The Phoenix - an old alchemical poem The Phoenix has always been a powerful symbol of transformation for me. Inside me, deep inside, in the dark depths lies a secret place of renewal Often it was told that the initiate had to take a bitter liquid to enter the nether realms of their psyche. Often too in life we have to swallow the bitter cup before we can reclaim that which we have lost. But it takes courage to face our shadow side. Am I worthy? The Initiate This dark draft of bitterness Must I drink Here I lie within the coffin of my life Will I return To step out into light? Or will this coffin Be my tomb Worse Will I rise with unseeing eyes Mind lost in the shadows Still time to defer the cup To what life? "To the bosom of the Dark Mother must I go, before I can fly with the wings of the Bright Mother." Am I worthy? At times of transition we are often assailed with doubts of our worthiness. "Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others" -- Marianne Williamson Within the darkness of the shadow of my fears and pain, waits the answer, the treasure of myself. How will I know the colours of the dark rainbow if I am too afraid to look?