Perceptions

As a child I was aware of an irrational anger inside me. One that seemed to me to have no basis in reality. One day, I was watching a documentary on the British scorched earth policy during the Anglo-Boer war, when suddenly I felt the same anger rise inside me. I was shocked, here I am three generations removed from the war and still I carry that anger inside me. (During the Anglo-Boer war most of my family died in the concentration camps for the women and the children.) This made me wonder how much else I carry inside myself that I think is my own but really is just inherited thought patterns.

 "My mind is preoccupied with past thoughts." "No one really sees anything. He sees only his thoughts projected outward. When you start to examine your thoughts you realise that it is tainted with the past. You are feeling pain, are upset, angry, depressed etc. because past experiences, past learning, dictates it. The same applies to the opposites. It is the reason why it is so hard to experience a true present. Thus there are no difference really between what you perceive as 'good' thoughts or 'bad' thoughts.. ..None of them represents your real thoughts, which are covered up by them. The 'good' ones are but shadows of what lies beyond, and shadows make sight difficult. The 'bad' ones are blocks to sight, and make seeing impossible." Course In Miracles

I started to go through the layers upon layers of habitual thought patterns and reactions inside me. I was amazed how much garbage I carried that coloured my perceptions. Especially in the area of relationships our habitual perceptions can have a big influence. We have all heard how our relationships with our parents and the relationships between them influence our choices in mates, but what can you do about it? The influences are so subtle you are normally completely unaware of it. You think you have free will, your thoughts are your own until you start to observe it. We either react against our parent's influence or inherited traits in a rebellious way or we live it. Neither works if you want to be your own person.

How often have we not seen someone say that they are never going to be like their parents, live in rebellion and one day find themselves in exactly the same relationships? We perceive the world through habitual perceptions for to perceive the vastness and multiple sensory input all at once would be too much for us to handle. We selectively screen out in order to function normally. When you imagine yourself looking at a seemingly infinite past and infinite future, the smallness of the self can be overwhelming.

Have you ever jumped into the ocean after looking into its blue depths as if it were the sky? Looked around you and saw from horizon to horizon just blue water? Suddenly the vastness can overwhelm you. I love the Tibetan tale of the frog that lived all its live in a dark well until one day it decided to go outside and see the world. When it saw the wide world its brain exploded. Whatever the reason for our evolutionary use of habitual perception, if we allow our selves just to continue perceiving and reacting to the world unconsciously, we allow ourselves to be at the mercy of fate, our inherited fate.

 "…According to Heisenberg's Uncertainty Principle, the act of observing a thing changes the nature of what is observed. Observation, in some cosmic way, modifies reality. We do not directly oppose negativity or habituation within ourselves; we simply focus the beam of attention onto it and let the principle of light dispelling the darkness do the rest. Attentive self-awareness, in this sense, is a universal solvent, the most powerful we have at our disposal." Harry R. Moody & David Carroll

The Buddhists call it "Mindfulness": "In opening the mind, or 'letting go', we bring attention to one point on just watching, or being silent witness who is aware of what comes and goes. With this vipassana (insight) meditation, we're using the three characteristics of anicca (change), anatta (not self) to observe mental and physical phenomena. We're freeing the mind from blindly repressing, so if we become obsessed with any trivial thoughts or fears, or doubts, worries or anger, we don't need to analyse it. We don't have to figure out why we have it, but just make it fully conscious." Ajahn Sumedho

Others call it "The Sin Eater" ("Sins of the Fathers.."); this unbelievably simple and relatively painless technique is so effective I was astonished. Be aware, however, that when you first start to observe your thoughts they seem to take flight like a flock of birds. Where there were lots before, now there are none. Just as with the birds, if you wait quietly they will return. If you want to be a free agent, observe yourself. Truly be your self. Most people see forgiveness as an altruistic act but really it is positively selfish act. Carrying a grudge makes you ill in the long run and it makes you a double victim.

But that's far enough for today, let me put on my rose-coloured glasses, I feel like having a good day.

tags: percetions  patterns  mindfulness  thought  habituation  spiritual