Prelude to a Dream – Do Caterpillars dream?

"The Cockcroach fills the night with noise, walks around, eat, marries, have children - dies."

Inherent
Oh, lowly caterpillar,
do you dream of freedom.
Do you look up into the sky
and wish for wings.
Do you see rainbows of colour
in your dreams?
Or do you see
only the next leaf
to devour?

Life is not an intellectual process - life is a feeling. - Theun Mares "

In the retrospect of his long life Jung writes;
“The world into which are born is brutal and cruel, and at the same time of divine beauty. Which element we think outweighs the other, whether meaninglessness were absolutely preponderant, the meaningfulness of life would vanish to an increasing degree with each step in our development. But that is – or it seems to me – not the case. Probably, as in all metaphysical questions, both are true: Life is – or has – meaning and meaninglessness. I cherish the anxious hope that meaning will preponderate and win the battle.”

I started writing my Blog with the question “What is the meaning of life?” I started life with that question ingrained with burning intensity in my intent. Like the Selchie stranded on dry land, I was aware from the young age of seven, of a fierce yearning, a hunger for something unattainable. Like Jung I have come to the same conclusion, Life is both meaningless and meaningful.

We could be given the most brilliant intellectual discourse on the meaning of life, and to our intellectual reasoning minds it makes absolute sense, but if you turned inward, and looked at your own life and see no meaning in it, then emotionally you would still feel “life is meaningless”, and you would find it hard to continue being active in the world. Remember emotions are filters. Whatever emotion you are experiencing colours your experience of the present, interpretation of the past and future views. What it also does, is allow through, or restrict energy flow. When you are apathetic you have a low energy flow.

How we feel about ourselves is what filters we use in our perceptions of the world. This a truth that was recognized by wise men and women throughout the ages. Yet, it is not as simple as it seems. Many pop-psychologists dangles the carrot of “eternal happiness”, to their followers, but it is a concept that is static in time, one that could only be achieved in an 'out-of-time' environment, or zone.

Life is meaningful or meaningless according to our season.

It is known that even the most advanced among us, still experience emotions as we do; they just process them much quicker than we do, with a wider vision, and perspective. So one must conclude, and from all that I experienced, it certainly seems that they too experience the dark side of emotions. They too will have a preponderance, a season of their inner world, to see life as meaningless.

For me the experience of the world as meaningless, cruel and brutal, is a call from the Dark Mother, to turn inside, and enter that which we fear; the meaningless void, the nothingness of existence. It is a place we fear because we are afraid that we may never return from that nothingness, sink into the swamp of despair, never to see the light again.

When you have entered that place with full consciousness, without resistance to its call, and returned a few times, you fear it no longer. It takes practice like everything else, and you start to develop something which I call night vision. Although all you you experience is dark and meaningless, you know that the miracle of the light of insight will come, and with it a gift of inspiration that will lead you to the next phase of your learning, of your personal refinement as a human being. The seed of our next hunger, the next lesson of your unfoldment.

I know all this may sound very esoteric but it is also reflected in the normal experience of out emotions. A feeling once it reaches a certain intensity, will always seek to reach a peak before we can rationally look at it. Whether we like it or not, a feeling must run its course. They build up slowly, or abruptly; they peak; and they release. Everyone's intensity threshold is unique, reflecting differences in temperament, family values concerning the expression of feelings, personal experiences, and so on. But once the feeling intensity reaches a point of no return, the feeling must fully travel its course, building to a peak, then reaching a a point of release. Once we pass the point of no return, we enter the non-thinking zone. It is then when we can say and do things we regret later. When you are in that zone, do not try to understand, or rationalize, just feel, know that you will reach the clear thinking zone, after the release. It is because of this that it is not a good idea to try and suppress the hurt, the meaninglessness of life, you feel, because whether you pretend not to feel it (we are very good at denying it to ourselves), it still rages inside, and then you ignore your personal guidance system, which helps you establish balanced boundaries. It is also like learning how much wine makes you drunk, for some it takes one glass etc.

“After a feeling peaks, there is a natural release of intensity, the feeling completes its cycle, and we can think clearly again. The clear thinking zone is the source of powerful insights, because here we are most in touch with soulful desires, dreams, and understanding. An insight gained from an experience felt becomes 'lived wisdom.' Intellectual ideas from books or other outside sources have little true effect on our behavior; the insights we gain from the clear-thinking zone bring the most lasting change. Many couples report that after a good 'argument', meaning that both partners have voiced their real feelings and felt heard, they experience closeness and intimacy.” - Don & Jean Elium

Just so the opposites within us needs to have a good argument, where both felt heard before we can feel whole, and intimate with ourselves again.

In the esoteric traditions there exist a concept of the 'diamond body', which is the ultimate transformation of the physical body into a light body. Yet, as with everything else in the realms of the metaphysical, it has multiple layers of meaning. We are literally rough diamonds, as someone said, “Gods in Embryonic Form”. Through our inner work, our psychological self-evolution, we refine ourselves. The more of the rough layers we remove, the brighter our light starts to shine and reflects through the masks we wear in our ordinary lives in the real world.

It is one thing to understand something intellectually, but it takes 'walking your talk' to experience it, and know its truth. We feel something is the truth we do not think something it is the truth. Until the thought, the understanding of a concept has been assimilated into the emotional body of ourselves, there is no knowing, and it will remain just a tantalizing thought, but really without meaning to our inner world.

Changing your conditioned self, the rough layers that cover the diamond is a slow, step by step process that cannot be forced. Trying to always think positive thoughts, and hastily give up your negative thoughts that comes your way, may give you the illusion of having at last made the breakthrough, but it can also prevent you from really getting to the core of your hunger, your pain, our your inherent wound. Until we really get to the core of ourselves, and that means entering our shadow, acknowledging it, we can never be sure when Heyhoka will come and turn our lives upside down. Just when you thought your life have meaning, Heyhoka will come and show you the meaninglessness.

That is exactly what happened to me.

Related:

Emotionally Yours/Emotional Collateral Damage

Guilt/shame

Perceptions

Thoughts

Feelings

Facing Fear

Intent

The Witness

tags: diamondbody  emotions  life  esoteric  depression  change  spiritual