The Selchie's Choice

Now that I remember
who I am
what I am
I know not what is worse
the not knowing
or the knowing
for the knowing brings me
to a terrible choice

Did you forget too
did you not see my longing
when Ceol-mara
the music of the eternal sea
reached my soul
did you not see the waning light in my eyes
the very light that attracted you
reflection of the wildness of my soul
were you content
are you content
just to keep me by your side
and tend the fires of your hearth

Was it a dream
was there a time in another skin
that I was free
to ride the waves
to join the laughter of the waves
and dive deep into
the unknown depths
when the mournful song
from the sea did not threaten
to overwhelm me
with forgotten feelings
a fierce hunger
for something unattainable
I thought it was but
an idle dream

Now that I know
I must choose
but ah ...
how terrible the choice

When I first heard the ancient tale of the Selchie spouse, powerful images filled my consciousness, and I wondered about Selchie choices that sometimes we find upon our spiritual path. The sea of course represents the unconsciousness in mythological and dream symbology. How appropriate the story of the Selchie for choices we sometimes encounter upon out path.

Choices that once seemed so simple to make, so easy to decide what is right and wrong, becomes hard when you know where the full implication of your choice will lead to, and you are faced with a dilemma. Each way you turn could involve risk and potential loss, and you know that someone will get hurt, and yet you know you must make a choice, for even if you do not make a choice, a choice will be forced upon you and you will not be able to live an authentic life any longer. If up to that point you have lived an authentic life, all your gains will be lost, and the fall will be hard. With your knowing you can then only wait upon death, and in all practical purposes no longer really be alive. From that point on your life becomes pointless. Anyone who consciously strives to live an authentic life will encounter it.

Oddly for me, I only read Jung's “Memories, Dreams, Reflection” fairly recently, although I had the book in my personal library for many years. When I did read it, I was breathless in wonder, with the close affinity I felt with his inner life. The last chapter, “Retrospect” could almost have been my own thoughts word, for word. The Selchie's choice represents for me that very aspect, of the 'daimom' Jung spoke of, which represents for me personally the passion of my life. Without the driving force of my passion my life looses its meaning and like the Selchie I will slowly close down all my faculties, in order to bear the pain of ignoring the call of my soul. But I am going to quote Jung quite liberally to explain. At times it is hard for me to verbalize my thoughts because I perceive multiple perspectives of the same point, at the same time. That is why I love Mythos as an expression of my thoughts as it works in the same way. A single symbol can have multiple layers of meaning, from the most mundane, to the most profound of what we can grasp, at a given time.

“ Knowledge of processes in the background early shaped my relationship to the world. Basically, that relationship was the same in my childhood as it is this day. As a child I felt myself to be alone, and I am still, because I know things and must hint at things which others apparently know nothing of, and for the most part do not want to know. Loneliness does not come from having no people about one, but from being unable to communicate the things that seem important to oneself, or from holding certain views which others find inadmissible. The loneliness began with the experiences of my early dreams, and reached its climax at the time I was working on the unconsciousness. If a man knows more than others, he becomes lonely. But loneliness is not necessarily inimical to companionship, for no one is more sensitive to companionship than the lonely man, and companionship, thrives only when each individual remembers his individuality and does not identify himself with others...”

It is the 'daimon' within those of us who strives to live an authentic live that eventually leads us to find our skins, and brings us to soul choices, that we cannot deny. Jung puts it like this;

"But if a man faced with a conflict of duties undertakes to deal with them absolutely on his own responsibility, and before a judge who sits in judgment on him day and night, he may well find himself in an isolated position. There is now an authentic secret in his life which cannot be discussed - if only because he is involved in an endless inner trial in which he is his own counsel and ruthless examiner, and no secular or spiritual judge can restore his easy sleep. If he were nor already sick to death of the decisions of such judges, he would never have found himself in a conflict. For such a conflict always presupposes a higher sense of responsibility. It is this very quality which keeps its possessor from accepting the decision of a collectivity. In his case the court is transposed to the inner world where the verdict is pronounced behind closed doors.

The man, therefore, who, driven by his daimon, steps beyond the limits of the intermediary stage, truly enters the "untrodden, untreadable regions," where there are no charted ways and no shelter spreads a protecting roof over his head. "

I see the moon reflecting on the mirror surface of the pool. A ribbon of cloth floats towards me. What bigger piece is it from? I feel its texture with my fingertips, run it across my face to feel what it stirs in my soul. Who was the weaver of the cloth? Who spun the thread, where did the raw material feel the first ray of light to bear forth that, which in the hands of the master spinner and weaver becomes the myth of its origin? Where from this ribbon of cloth? I hold it too my face and fill my breath with its essence. I dive into a crystal clear pool, as if diving into the radiating source of light. In this source of light I feel myself purified the deeper I swim. I swim until I feel there is no more need for I will never reach the end, I allow myself just to drift, wrapped in bliss and slowly I float back to the surface. I open my eyes; the warm breeze cooling the water drops on my skin. How I wished I could stay there. So whole I felt, so secure. So pure the pool.

"To reach and grasp, and to suffer the release of the grasp, and then to reach some more, past the known frontiers of body, mind, heart and soul".

tags: passion  soul  choices  spiritual